Mike's Blog 19: Proper Punishment
Is it just me or do I really take way too long to write these things lately? I guess it has something to do with most of the basic topics being done already and it's hard to find something that isn't completely out of whack or has at least a borderline broad interest.
Many of you pitched me topics and I even tried to work with them, but for the time being, they are not really suitable for a broad audience. So I figured, I'd go back to basics. It started out as a “How-to” guide, and perhaps it should continue as such.
Proper Punishment
This is, according to some of you, a major issue. I've read quite a few accounts of Subs leaving their doms or declining a collar all together because of it. But it's something that can be easily avoided, if you just follow a few simple rules. Yet, before I go into more detail, let me say that this is just one guideline. There are many other ways out there and if you have found a way that works for you and your sub, stick with it. Never change a running system. Although, before you go and decide that everything is just fine, ask yourself if it really is of if you're just calling it fine.
Like always, this is my personal opinion and no generally accepted guideline. If you disagree or think I have overlooked something, leave a comment or write us a pm.
#1 Fitting punishment
Ever heard the phrase “The Punishment should fit the crime”? The same goes of course for D/s relationships. Also, you need to determine if there even is anything worth punishing. I've heard of doms who punish their subs for not completing a given task. While there is nothing wrong with that in theory, often they fail to make a distinction between non-compliance and failure to comply, even going as far as to give them tasks they know the sub will not be able to finish, just to set up a scenario for punishment. Not only is that morally questionable, it's also highly unfair towards the sub. I can already hear the “so what?” attitude, so let me remind those among you that the rules to a D/s relationship are supposed to be strict and very firm, but also fair. Punishment of this nature has led to many relationships being destroyed without the dom ever knowing why. I'm not saying failure should go unpunished, but try to differentiate between an honest effort and denial. The severity of the punishment should differ, based on the amount of effort put into the task.
There might also be those among you who represent a different point of view, going with an argument like “She enjoys those punishments.”. I'm not saying it's not true, but if that is the case, then it's not really a punishment but a reward. Which leads me to my second point.
#2 Creative punishments
This should go without saying, but based on what I've heard and read recently, perhaps I should make it obvious. Choose the punishment according to your sub's preferences. Someone who enjoys edging can't be punished with orgasm denial. As well as a Painslut-type will hardly be impressed with a caning. In other words, if reward and punishment are similar to each other, you're doing one of them wrong. But this is also where things get interesting. It's easy to just go the other way, meaning to force the edging on the painslut and the caning on the other, but you can just as well screw with their expectations. Instead of a caning, why not forced orgasms? You skip the part she loves, the edging, entirely and just make her cum over and over. Doesn't sound like a punishment at first, but those of you who have tried it before know that it involves a kind of pain that is quite unlike anything else. I guess what I'm trying to say is: think outside the box. The best punishment is the one she doesn't expect you to go with, of course while keeping her limits in mind.
There is also nothing wrong with looking for inspiration elsewhere. The kink. com sites for example . Every site has it's theme and while every one focuses around the same idea, most have a different twist to them. I've gotten quite a few iteas from there myself. But all of this leads me to my third and final point for today.
#3 Aftercare
Honestly, I should have talked about this a lot earlier. But, as you know, I tend to overlook things sometimes. Even things as important as this. And one thing makes it especially important: It is very often neglected by doms, and sadly so. Proper aftercare is something very important and can strengthen the relationship. Remember, you caused the tears, now take care of them. For this there is no best way to do it, but some evergreens are cuddling, applying some ointment to bruised bodyparts or just general closeness. Since you are reading this, I'm assuming that you are a dom who actually cares about his sub, so I may be preaching to the choir here, but there is nothing more important than genuine care. Even and especially in a D/s relationship. So don't just walk out on your sobbing sub.
That's it for now. I'm looking forward to your comments.
Have Fun!
Mike
Many of you pitched me topics and I even tried to work with them, but for the time being, they are not really suitable for a broad audience. So I figured, I'd go back to basics. It started out as a “How-to” guide, and perhaps it should continue as such.
Proper Punishment
This is, according to some of you, a major issue. I've read quite a few accounts of Subs leaving their doms or declining a collar all together because of it. But it's something that can be easily avoided, if you just follow a few simple rules. Yet, before I go into more detail, let me say that this is just one guideline. There are many other ways out there and if you have found a way that works for you and your sub, stick with it. Never change a running system. Although, before you go and decide that everything is just fine, ask yourself if it really is of if you're just calling it fine.
Like always, this is my personal opinion and no generally accepted guideline. If you disagree or think I have overlooked something, leave a comment or write us a pm.
#1 Fitting punishment
Ever heard the phrase “The Punishment should fit the crime”? The same goes of course for D/s relationships. Also, you need to determine if there even is anything worth punishing. I've heard of doms who punish their subs for not completing a given task. While there is nothing wrong with that in theory, often they fail to make a distinction between non-compliance and failure to comply, even going as far as to give them tasks they know the sub will not be able to finish, just to set up a scenario for punishment. Not only is that morally questionable, it's also highly unfair towards the sub. I can already hear the “so what?” attitude, so let me remind those among you that the rules to a D/s relationship are supposed to be strict and very firm, but also fair. Punishment of this nature has led to many relationships being destroyed without the dom ever knowing why. I'm not saying failure should go unpunished, but try to differentiate between an honest effort and denial. The severity of the punishment should differ, based on the amount of effort put into the task.
There might also be those among you who represent a different point of view, going with an argument like “She enjoys those punishments.”. I'm not saying it's not true, but if that is the case, then it's not really a punishment but a reward. Which leads me to my second point.
#2 Creative punishments
This should go without saying, but based on what I've heard and read recently, perhaps I should make it obvious. Choose the punishment according to your sub's preferences. Someone who enjoys edging can't be punished with orgasm denial. As well as a Painslut-type will hardly be impressed with a caning. In other words, if reward and punishment are similar to each other, you're doing one of them wrong. But this is also where things get interesting. It's easy to just go the other way, meaning to force the edging on the painslut and the caning on the other, but you can just as well screw with their expectations. Instead of a caning, why not forced orgasms? You skip the part she loves, the edging, entirely and just make her cum over and over. Doesn't sound like a punishment at first, but those of you who have tried it before know that it involves a kind of pain that is quite unlike anything else. I guess what I'm trying to say is: think outside the box. The best punishment is the one she doesn't expect you to go with, of course while keeping her limits in mind.
There is also nothing wrong with looking for inspiration elsewhere. The kink. com sites for example . Every site has it's theme and while every one focuses around the same idea, most have a different twist to them. I've gotten quite a few iteas from there myself. But all of this leads me to my third and final point for today.
#3 Aftercare
Honestly, I should have talked about this a lot earlier. But, as you know, I tend to overlook things sometimes. Even things as important as this. And one thing makes it especially important: It is very often neglected by doms, and sadly so. Proper aftercare is something very important and can strengthen the relationship. Remember, you caused the tears, now take care of them. For this there is no best way to do it, but some evergreens are cuddling, applying some ointment to bruised bodyparts or just general closeness. Since you are reading this, I'm assuming that you are a dom who actually cares about his sub, so I may be preaching to the choir here, but there is nothing more important than genuine care. Even and especially in a D/s relationship. So don't just walk out on your sobbing sub.
That's it for now. I'm looking forward to your comments.
Have Fun!
Mike
10 年 前
