My Intro to IR Sex: and the (dark) meat goes on...
Hey Yall!
Sorry for the long time in between posts, but life happens, amIright?
So anyway, I wanted to continue on with my back-story of how my all-consuming passion for big black dicks developed...I'm sure you've read my other 3 posts called "My Intro to IR Sex" pts I - III, but if you haven't, I'll wait here for you...
OK, back? Then let's roll...
So at some point I have to move on from calling this my "Intro" and reporting it for what it now is to me: a lifestyle choice. BUT...at the point where my last post left off, it all could've been chalked up to one-night (oops, make that TWO-night) stand, a wild fling by a jilted and sexually-repressed conservative white girl who caught a bad case of Jager-meister fueled jungle fever on a business trip out of town and far away from anyone who knows her...
And I guess that would be it, if it had stopped there... ;)
And it *did* stop there, for awhile...I got back home and threw myself into my new job, which was easy enough to do...it didn't allow for much of a social life, which was OK with me, and I didn't have time to be depressed about my newly single status, much less think back about with guilt and shame about my wild fling with Courtney.
I found me a local church to begin attending and made it home to see my parents when I did actually get some free time. I made new friends in my new town and discovered the joys of the local NFL team as well as weekend days on the lake. And at some point, I even took my old fiancee back...
(needle yanks across the record, terrible scratching sound)
"WHAT THE HECK?
I hear you ask, and I hang my head in shame...
Yes, I actually forgave Romneybilt for his transgression of cheating on me...or at least I *SAID* that I did...heck, I think I probably believed it on some level. But another part of me knows that taking his pathetic pasty butt back was tied more to a) loneliness and b) moving back to something familiar and c.) denial and pretending that my walk on the dark side with Courtney never happened...
Resuming my relationship with Romneybilt provided the comfort of our old circle of friends that we otherwise had to split up like possessions in a divorce as well as the relieved approval of both our families...and allowed me to push my wild crazy black dick fling to the back of my mind, like it never happened, similar to me putting my fingers in my ears and screaming: "LA LA LA LA LA"...
Yeah, I was worried Romneybilt would notice a change in me since our last time together and you know what? Any other less-self-absorbed person totally would have. Shy, stiff-in-bed Mandi had been replaced with confident and aggressive Mandi, much more vocal and active and responsive and in control and...hungry.
Yes, I suddenly found myself VERY hungry for sex and by that, I mean, I was quick to put him in my mouth before, during, and after intercourse...this was just one of several desires of the "new" Mandi, and he absolutely noticed it our first time back together, calling it out after I slipped off riding him to put his dick in my mouth and suck all my flavors off him in the middle of a passionate riding session...
"Holy shit, I don't remember you like this!" he grunted. "What's got into you?"
Of course I couldn't have told him that it was a black dick the size of a Pringles can that had gotten into me.
"Oh, I just missed you SO bad..." I offered up in the way of an excuse...and as lame and unbelievable as that might sound to a reasonable person like you reading this (or me writing it), please keep in mind that:
>I was currently naked and moving from sucking him to climbing back on top of him to ride
>He's a totally Narcissist...
So yes: in his totally spoiled mind, where he'd been pumped up his whole life to believe that the tides of the oceans ebbed and flowed around him and that he was an amazing white bread treat like no other before him or after, he honestly believed I was now a sexual tigress simply because I missed his totally selfish love-making and his 5-inch pink sausage link dick...
LOL.
And yeah, maybe I believed it myself for awhile (NOTE: I didn't really), or maybe I was just trying really hard because I wanted it all to work out with him and I could resume my dream of having a nice country club future life with him and our 2.5 off-spring and our cocker spaniel named Bailey. But there was one small nagging problem that kept popping up like my rock in my shoe:
He still couldn't make me come.
Yes, I was now a totally hot sex a****l, putting his dick in my mouth and rubbing my naked body against his as often as I could. But he never got me off. Didn't even get all that close, really.
Well, until we took a weekend trip out of town and stayed in a hotel room. It was, not coincidentally, the same hotel I worked for, and a mirror image of the room in which Courtney and I had our fling. This was not lost on me later that night when Romneybilt and I began to fool around, and pretty soon we were in a doggy position and I was facing that mirror just like I'd done with Courtney. Only this time I put my head down and only peeked out, allowing my mind to drift back in time instead of looking up to see Romneybilt eagerly mounting me like a horny Chihuahua.
It wasn't hard for me to imagine how amazing it had felt with Courtney's black dick filling me up, the weight of his belly on my backside, and his breath on my ear and neck as he pumped me. I immediately brought my fingers up to my clit to rub myself...of course, it wasn't the same nice slow sexy rhythm of Courtney but the frantic spastic flopping around of Romneybilt, but I was able to push that to the back of my mind.
I knew Romneybilt was good for maybe 1.5 - 2 minutes of thrusting at best, so I knew I had to work fast...his fingers dug into my waist and I bit into the pillow as I finally stopped fighting it and just LET GO, my mind filled with images of Courtney's big soft chocolate body and fat black dick while I released this horrible wonderful pressure that had been just sitting and festering in my lower gut area ever since...well, ever since my encounter with Courtney.
Afterwards things got both better and worse. Yes, I was coming much more frequently...but it was never ever with Romneybilt in my mind. No, it was always with Courtney's big black dick. Never mind that there was no way I could ever confuse Courtney's big majestic ebony pole with that pink roll of nickels Romneybilt was always trying to stick in my mouth or my pussy...all I had to do was close my eyes and think of Courtney...
Except that it soon wasn't just about Courtney...
Romneybilt was a huge college basketball fan, and it was during one evening on the couch, the game blasting like it always did, that I began to get fidgety, watching all these sweaty 19-20 year old muscular black guys running up and down the court...I offered Romneybilt a blow-job and I swear he actually seemed upset by the notion. Luckily for me (LOL), it was a blow-out game, so he said OK and pulled his "thumb-drive" out of his sweat-pants...while he threw his head back, I was focused on the TV and all those sexy young black guys while I sucked him dry and reached back to rub my clit...
I knew this sort of mind-set wasn't healthy and couldn't possibly keep on...when much to my surprise/delight, it didn't have to...
Yes, for the 2nd time in less than a year, I caught Romneybilt cheating on me.
It was something as simple as a message left on his answering machine back in his apartment (he was still back in our old college town)...and I wasn't even playing detective and looking for it, it was HIM who pressed the button on his answering machine and SHE left him a very explicit and detailed message that left no doubt as to what had been going on between them. He dove for the machine to cut it off, but it was too late...
And the worst part was?
I wasn't upset.
No, really I wasn't.
I mean...I guess I should've been...but I wasn't.
I would describe the feeling as: my stomach doing a quick bottoming-out, and then...
Relief.
Yes, no doubt that it was relief.
Because as I heard her voice on the machine and saw his face freeze up in terror at being busted, I saw a glimpse into the future and knew this would be part of who he is and would always be. It was after a frat party this time, but 3 years from now it would some young chick from his Dad's business he was due to take over...7 years from now it would be a phone number from an out-of-town "work" conference...or some bored housewife in our upscale neighborhood...or a skank from a strip bar by the interstate...or 15 years from now he'd be the dirty middle-aged man offering a ride home to our babysitter and hoping to charm her out of her Hello Kitty panties...
It was in that clear moment I knew he was an unrepentant horn-dog turd and that I didn't want a lifetime of putting with his cheating or a divorce before I was 30...he seemed unnerved at how utterly calm I was as I broke it off for the last time and got in my car to leave...
"You're not going to do anything crazy are you?" he asked as I drove off...and Lord if he only knew.
And finally shedding him meant also shedding the denial I had been (somewhat) living in...I now realized I was FREE for the first time in a long time BY CHOICE and HAPPILY SO, not mourning the end of a relationship that was poisonous to begin with. Pretty soon after I got home after dumping him, I went to take a shower and immediately began masturbating! Understand, this was something I NEVER did! I NEVER masturbated. But there I was, thinking about Courtney, the men's basketball team, Samuel Jackson, Seal, pretty much every black man I could think of, as I twiddled my clit and had a knee-buckling orgasm there in my bathroom, just me alone with the images of all the black men who had been haunting the fringes of my mind...
Making myself come via masturbation was like moment when you take that final twist of a Rubik's Cube and all the colors line up...solving the puzzle was like blazing a path thru the pleasure centers of my body and mind, and all I could think about was going there again and again...
Yes, for the first time in my life, I began masturbating regularly...and my initial thought was: "where the heck has this been all my life?"
I mean, I'd heard guys talk about the magic of masturbation during high school and college, but I never paid it any mind...until now. My body CRAVED the pleasure that I was now learning to bring it, and was always asking for more...
I pride myself in an active imagination, but pretty soon I was wanting more than just images of Courtney's black dick and fantasies of basketball players. So yeah, just to demonstrate how green and un-knowing I was, I actually googled the word "PORN" to see what would come up...I soon learned to refine my search(es) to "interracial PORN" and to seek out the "safe" sites that are out there...and yes, that soon led me to xhamster, known as a safe place to view porn...
and porn led to the desire for interaction...chat rooms, message boards, even interracial dating sites...
Sure, I was coming home from a long day at work to rub myself into a frenzy watching Wesley Pipes videos, but it was the human interaction from the chat rooms and message boards that had my attention...because we all know that as nice as fantasy is, it is no replacement for a real 98.6 degree human to touch...
Aside from the great friends I made at places like xhamster and the interracial dating sites, it was an old AOL chat-room that had my nightly attention. I was using an alias I'd made in college, just a way to check up on parties and tail-gates and other alcohol-related events that would mortify my parents. So "sw33tpeaches" was suddenly active in the chat room/message board world and soon landed on the "black voices" page...first out of blind curiosity, then later with a feeling that I was always headed there, it was just a matter of time...
And once there I was able to talk to black men, let them flirt with me and for me to flirt right back...something I would have *NEVER* done in real life. But so so very nice to do in the relative privacy of cyber-space. (OK, this is where i put forth the dislaimer that I had a really bad stalker situation about this time which unfortunately still causes me to be overly-cautious with people I meet on-line. Just a word of warning...)
I met a ton of new people during this time, me basically hopping online the second I got home from work until waaaaaay deep into the morning, often heading to work with 2-3 hours sleep.
And yeah, that obviously means some cyber-sex or whatever it is the young people call it nowadays ;)
Obviously my fascination was with black men and I found my conversations with them very liberating, the kind of stuff I would've never talked about in person with them.
Lots of black fellows to talk to, but one stood out from the rest...
First of all, he was nearby...yep, right there in his profile that he was from the same city I was currently living in...and it was pretty obvious from our conversations that he knew the city much better than I did and was obviously a local. We talked about the local NFL team, the local college teams, the music business in our back door, etc...we didn't run in the same circles or knew any of the same people, which was a relief...
He was very cool and laid-back, a nice contrast to all the guys eager to show me pics of their dicks or talk dirty to me or meet me places where they could assualt me...no, instead it took quite awhile (on an internet time-scale) for our conversation to turn sexual, and even now I can look back and say that I was driving it just as much if not more than he was. That first time we finally broke the seal and got all nasty, cyber-sexing or mutual-masturbating...basically him getting me to say (type) all sorts of nasty things about how much I loved black dicks and especially wanted his...
LOL...
So eventually over the course over a couple months, he suggested a meet-n-greet.
Just pass each other in the food court of a local mall or something like that, just to see each other in person...I wasn't sure at first, putting him off and off...he wasn't begging me, but he was putting it out there, you know, just dropping a bug in my ear in case I was ever interested in taking our cyber relationship into the REAL physical world...
After a couple of failed hook-up attempts and ME chickening out, I was the one who went into HIS place of work (a pizza delivery place) and placed an order at the counter just so I could scope him out. I saw him long before he saw me, and my impressions of him was that he was just a regular little black guy, skinny and medium-height, certainly not a big strapping sexy black stud. Later we talked online and he was like "was that you?" and I was like: "yeah, was that you?" He seemed quite impressed how I looked, even "prettier than in my pictures" and he said he'd honestly expected me to be fatter and uglier in person. ;)
But the fact he wasn't a strapping stud sure didn't deter me from thinking about sex (with black men) constantly, and contemplating the fact that not many people in this town knew me...and even if they did, it was a biggish town, the kind you could easily get lost in. But even more than that, the fact that even if I wanted to do something CRAZY like fool around with this black guy, no one in my circle would ever know...
It was finally one evening after work, and I was online chatting...he'd sent me a message, telling me his schedule at the pizza place, in case i wanted to stop by again...I considered it, then realized this was a rare opportunity. I could meet him out behind the place on his break and no one would ever know...at least, no one we cared about...
So yeah, there I was at 10pm in a small unlit parking lot a few businesses down from the place where he made pizzas...I saw him step outside, light a cigarette, and then spot my car and saunter over...he stuck his head inside my window to verify it was indeed me...the way he looked me up and down with pure lust in his eyes made my heart skip a beat or 2. He basically looked like Flavor Flav: short & skinny and so very dark skinned he looked like he'd been burnt in a fire. Ugly with a big grin with a gold tooth. Hard to gauge an age just by looking, but I knew from our online conversations he was mid 30's.
He plopped into my passenger seat and we exchanged a few obligatory pleasantries, "how you doing?" and "nice to finally meet you!" type stuff...the interior of my car was immediately flooded with the odors of cheap pizza and cheaper cigarettes. I wasn't sure how things were going to proceed, and I knew I woudldn't have the courage to initiate things....but it was he who finally said:
"Well, I ain't got long on break, so..." and reached down to start un-doing his belt buckle. My already pounding heart sped up even more, and even more when I saw his black dick pop up out of his pants. It was just enough street light coming in thru my windows to see it and I swear to God my mouth watered when I did. I reached a trembling hand over to touch it and it felt much hotter than 98.6 degrees, probably 75% hard already, quickly on its way to 110%. It wasn't as massive as Courtney's had been, more of a "regular" sized dick, maybe in the 7-8 inch range.
I flashed him a nervous "well, here goes nothing!" grin, the same one I knew I would have flashed at a work or school presentation or before performing a dance routine back in the day...he let out a low "ummmmm" as my hand rubbed his dick and balls, arching his back and humpmy hand a little...I surprised myself by letting out a low "oh!" at the sight/feel of his growing excitement, and quickly dipping my head down into his lap.
I immediately slipped the head of his dick into my mouth, and my taste buds were immediately flooded with the exotic flavors of a new strange dick. That meaty, let's call it "roast beef" flavor of a dick that had been cooped up in underwear for awhile, salty and musky, reeking of arousal. I felt his dick finish going completely rock hard in my mouth, which made me even hornier if that was possible.
I surprised myself at how HUNGRILY I was sucking his black dick and trying to take in that exotic roast beef flavor of his. He arched his back forcing it down my throat, my chin pressing against his warm hairy ball sack. I felt his hand on my head, pressing it down at first (like I needed motivation LOL), but then brushing my hair back so he could see my face with his dick in it...
Ah yes, of course I wanted him to watch...the old Mandi, the "pre-Courtney" Mandi, would have hated this, never ever wanted a guy to watch as I sucked him. Of course that girl would've never sucked a guy she wasn't dating, never a guy she only met online, CERTAINLY not an ugly Negro like this guy. And she wouldn't have sucked a dick just for fun, which was exactly what I was doing now. But this NEW IMPROVED Mandi? Oh she wanted him to see it all and was a little disappointed the light wasn't better so he could see MORE.
In fact, *I* wanted to see...so I peeked up at HIM, so very ugly looking like Flavor Flav's country uncle, his eager smile still there but slightly melted by lust around the edges. It was SO SURREAL to look up and see that ugly black face while I had his hard dick in my mouth. And I had a quick blast of epiphany, a little voice in my head telling me that I was going to start to enjoy this: the sights the sounds the smells and oh yes the TASTE of sucking a strange black dick. I tried to smile up at him while our eyes locked, but it was hard to do with a mouthfull of black dick...but our eyes said it all, and they smiled at each other...I'm not sure I've felt dirtier or hornier in my life than I did at that moment...
I tore my gaze away from him to focus on the task at hand, knowing that we didn't have much time. I began sucking him deeper and more rhythmically, bobbing my head up and down. I felt his hand on the back of my head, not forcing it or anything but giving guidance...and after awhile I felt his hips began to buck up to meet me and yes yes yes this dirty little black man was fucking my mouth! It felt SO GOOD and I was straining to get as much as him in my mouth on every stroke as I could, not caring if he gagged me or not...
Pretty soon I felt his motions begin to get jerky and more erratic and I know what was coming (literally)...I felt his entire body clench up just before he began launching streams of his hot semen in my mouth and down my throat. I slurped hungrily at it, like I had been crawling thru the desert and found a water hose. He flinched and trashed while he came, eventually pulling my head away when he couldn't take it anymore.
Afterwards he quickly put his deflating dick back into his pants and said "All right, holla at ya later!" and that was it. Funny I had never thought what was the proper protocol after something like that...should he have thanked me? Should I have thanked him? I guess "holla at ya later!" was good enough and appropriate...
I drove home with the taste of him in my mouth, my belly swimming with his semen, the smell of pizza and cigarettes in my car, and my face flush with a combination of excitement and lust. As drove across town, I marveled at how wonderful that had been, that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE I KNEW was aware that it'd just happened except for him or me. And that's where my mind wandered to, all the anonymous black men in my city, that I was driving past at that very moment, all the ones I'd run into in the course of my job...so many anonymous black men with exotic musky "roast beef" tasting strange black dicks to taste, that NO ONE would ever know about...except me of course and I sure woudln't tell...(well, except to put it in writing for you all to read LOL) That epiphany moment I had while sucking him was ringing in my head and I had a feeling I had just opened the door on a new very important chapter in my life...
Sorry for the long time in between posts, but life happens, amIright?
So anyway, I wanted to continue on with my back-story of how my all-consuming passion for big black dicks developed...I'm sure you've read my other 3 posts called "My Intro to IR Sex" pts I - III, but if you haven't, I'll wait here for you...
OK, back? Then let's roll...
So at some point I have to move on from calling this my "Intro" and reporting it for what it now is to me: a lifestyle choice. BUT...at the point where my last post left off, it all could've been chalked up to one-night (oops, make that TWO-night) stand, a wild fling by a jilted and sexually-repressed conservative white girl who caught a bad case of Jager-meister fueled jungle fever on a business trip out of town and far away from anyone who knows her...
And I guess that would be it, if it had stopped there... ;)
And it *did* stop there, for awhile...I got back home and threw myself into my new job, which was easy enough to do...it didn't allow for much of a social life, which was OK with me, and I didn't have time to be depressed about my newly single status, much less think back about with guilt and shame about my wild fling with Courtney.
I found me a local church to begin attending and made it home to see my parents when I did actually get some free time. I made new friends in my new town and discovered the joys of the local NFL team as well as weekend days on the lake. And at some point, I even took my old fiancee back...
(needle yanks across the record, terrible scratching sound)
"WHAT THE HECK?
I hear you ask, and I hang my head in shame...
Yes, I actually forgave Romneybilt for his transgression of cheating on me...or at least I *SAID* that I did...heck, I think I probably believed it on some level. But another part of me knows that taking his pathetic pasty butt back was tied more to a) loneliness and b) moving back to something familiar and c.) denial and pretending that my walk on the dark side with Courtney never happened...
Resuming my relationship with Romneybilt provided the comfort of our old circle of friends that we otherwise had to split up like possessions in a divorce as well as the relieved approval of both our families...and allowed me to push my wild crazy black dick fling to the back of my mind, like it never happened, similar to me putting my fingers in my ears and screaming: "LA LA LA LA LA"...
Yeah, I was worried Romneybilt would notice a change in me since our last time together and you know what? Any other less-self-absorbed person totally would have. Shy, stiff-in-bed Mandi had been replaced with confident and aggressive Mandi, much more vocal and active and responsive and in control and...hungry.
Yes, I suddenly found myself VERY hungry for sex and by that, I mean, I was quick to put him in my mouth before, during, and after intercourse...this was just one of several desires of the "new" Mandi, and he absolutely noticed it our first time back together, calling it out after I slipped off riding him to put his dick in my mouth and suck all my flavors off him in the middle of a passionate riding session...
"Holy shit, I don't remember you like this!" he grunted. "What's got into you?"
Of course I couldn't have told him that it was a black dick the size of a Pringles can that had gotten into me.
"Oh, I just missed you SO bad..." I offered up in the way of an excuse...and as lame and unbelievable as that might sound to a reasonable person like you reading this (or me writing it), please keep in mind that:
>I was currently naked and moving from sucking him to climbing back on top of him to ride
>He's a totally Narcissist...
So yes: in his totally spoiled mind, where he'd been pumped up his whole life to believe that the tides of the oceans ebbed and flowed around him and that he was an amazing white bread treat like no other before him or after, he honestly believed I was now a sexual tigress simply because I missed his totally selfish love-making and his 5-inch pink sausage link dick...
LOL.
And yeah, maybe I believed it myself for awhile (NOTE: I didn't really), or maybe I was just trying really hard because I wanted it all to work out with him and I could resume my dream of having a nice country club future life with him and our 2.5 off-spring and our cocker spaniel named Bailey. But there was one small nagging problem that kept popping up like my rock in my shoe:
He still couldn't make me come.
Yes, I was now a totally hot sex a****l, putting his dick in my mouth and rubbing my naked body against his as often as I could. But he never got me off. Didn't even get all that close, really.
Well, until we took a weekend trip out of town and stayed in a hotel room. It was, not coincidentally, the same hotel I worked for, and a mirror image of the room in which Courtney and I had our fling. This was not lost on me later that night when Romneybilt and I began to fool around, and pretty soon we were in a doggy position and I was facing that mirror just like I'd done with Courtney. Only this time I put my head down and only peeked out, allowing my mind to drift back in time instead of looking up to see Romneybilt eagerly mounting me like a horny Chihuahua.
It wasn't hard for me to imagine how amazing it had felt with Courtney's black dick filling me up, the weight of his belly on my backside, and his breath on my ear and neck as he pumped me. I immediately brought my fingers up to my clit to rub myself...of course, it wasn't the same nice slow sexy rhythm of Courtney but the frantic spastic flopping around of Romneybilt, but I was able to push that to the back of my mind.
I knew Romneybilt was good for maybe 1.5 - 2 minutes of thrusting at best, so I knew I had to work fast...his fingers dug into my waist and I bit into the pillow as I finally stopped fighting it and just LET GO, my mind filled with images of Courtney's big soft chocolate body and fat black dick while I released this horrible wonderful pressure that had been just sitting and festering in my lower gut area ever since...well, ever since my encounter with Courtney.
Afterwards things got both better and worse. Yes, I was coming much more frequently...but it was never ever with Romneybilt in my mind. No, it was always with Courtney's big black dick. Never mind that there was no way I could ever confuse Courtney's big majestic ebony pole with that pink roll of nickels Romneybilt was always trying to stick in my mouth or my pussy...all I had to do was close my eyes and think of Courtney...
Except that it soon wasn't just about Courtney...
Romneybilt was a huge college basketball fan, and it was during one evening on the couch, the game blasting like it always did, that I began to get fidgety, watching all these sweaty 19-20 year old muscular black guys running up and down the court...I offered Romneybilt a blow-job and I swear he actually seemed upset by the notion. Luckily for me (LOL), it was a blow-out game, so he said OK and pulled his "thumb-drive" out of his sweat-pants...while he threw his head back, I was focused on the TV and all those sexy young black guys while I sucked him dry and reached back to rub my clit...
I knew this sort of mind-set wasn't healthy and couldn't possibly keep on...when much to my surprise/delight, it didn't have to...
Yes, for the 2nd time in less than a year, I caught Romneybilt cheating on me.
It was something as simple as a message left on his answering machine back in his apartment (he was still back in our old college town)...and I wasn't even playing detective and looking for it, it was HIM who pressed the button on his answering machine and SHE left him a very explicit and detailed message that left no doubt as to what had been going on between them. He dove for the machine to cut it off, but it was too late...
And the worst part was?
I wasn't upset.
No, really I wasn't.
I mean...I guess I should've been...but I wasn't.
I would describe the feeling as: my stomach doing a quick bottoming-out, and then...
Relief.
Yes, no doubt that it was relief.
Because as I heard her voice on the machine and saw his face freeze up in terror at being busted, I saw a glimpse into the future and knew this would be part of who he is and would always be. It was after a frat party this time, but 3 years from now it would some young chick from his Dad's business he was due to take over...7 years from now it would be a phone number from an out-of-town "work" conference...or some bored housewife in our upscale neighborhood...or a skank from a strip bar by the interstate...or 15 years from now he'd be the dirty middle-aged man offering a ride home to our babysitter and hoping to charm her out of her Hello Kitty panties...
It was in that clear moment I knew he was an unrepentant horn-dog turd and that I didn't want a lifetime of putting with his cheating or a divorce before I was 30...he seemed unnerved at how utterly calm I was as I broke it off for the last time and got in my car to leave...
"You're not going to do anything crazy are you?" he asked as I drove off...and Lord if he only knew.
And finally shedding him meant also shedding the denial I had been (somewhat) living in...I now realized I was FREE for the first time in a long time BY CHOICE and HAPPILY SO, not mourning the end of a relationship that was poisonous to begin with. Pretty soon after I got home after dumping him, I went to take a shower and immediately began masturbating! Understand, this was something I NEVER did! I NEVER masturbated. But there I was, thinking about Courtney, the men's basketball team, Samuel Jackson, Seal, pretty much every black man I could think of, as I twiddled my clit and had a knee-buckling orgasm there in my bathroom, just me alone with the images of all the black men who had been haunting the fringes of my mind...
Making myself come via masturbation was like moment when you take that final twist of a Rubik's Cube and all the colors line up...solving the puzzle was like blazing a path thru the pleasure centers of my body and mind, and all I could think about was going there again and again...
Yes, for the first time in my life, I began masturbating regularly...and my initial thought was: "where the heck has this been all my life?"
I mean, I'd heard guys talk about the magic of masturbation during high school and college, but I never paid it any mind...until now. My body CRAVED the pleasure that I was now learning to bring it, and was always asking for more...
I pride myself in an active imagination, but pretty soon I was wanting more than just images of Courtney's black dick and fantasies of basketball players. So yeah, just to demonstrate how green and un-knowing I was, I actually googled the word "PORN" to see what would come up...I soon learned to refine my search(es) to "interracial PORN" and to seek out the "safe" sites that are out there...and yes, that soon led me to xhamster, known as a safe place to view porn...
and porn led to the desire for interaction...chat rooms, message boards, even interracial dating sites...
Sure, I was coming home from a long day at work to rub myself into a frenzy watching Wesley Pipes videos, but it was the human interaction from the chat rooms and message boards that had my attention...because we all know that as nice as fantasy is, it is no replacement for a real 98.6 degree human to touch...
Aside from the great friends I made at places like xhamster and the interracial dating sites, it was an old AOL chat-room that had my nightly attention. I was using an alias I'd made in college, just a way to check up on parties and tail-gates and other alcohol-related events that would mortify my parents. So "sw33tpeaches" was suddenly active in the chat room/message board world and soon landed on the "black voices" page...first out of blind curiosity, then later with a feeling that I was always headed there, it was just a matter of time...
And once there I was able to talk to black men, let them flirt with me and for me to flirt right back...something I would have *NEVER* done in real life. But so so very nice to do in the relative privacy of cyber-space. (OK, this is where i put forth the dislaimer that I had a really bad stalker situation about this time which unfortunately still causes me to be overly-cautious with people I meet on-line. Just a word of warning...)
I met a ton of new people during this time, me basically hopping online the second I got home from work until waaaaaay deep into the morning, often heading to work with 2-3 hours sleep.
And yeah, that obviously means some cyber-sex or whatever it is the young people call it nowadays ;)
Obviously my fascination was with black men and I found my conversations with them very liberating, the kind of stuff I would've never talked about in person with them.
Lots of black fellows to talk to, but one stood out from the rest...
First of all, he was nearby...yep, right there in his profile that he was from the same city I was currently living in...and it was pretty obvious from our conversations that he knew the city much better than I did and was obviously a local. We talked about the local NFL team, the local college teams, the music business in our back door, etc...we didn't run in the same circles or knew any of the same people, which was a relief...
He was very cool and laid-back, a nice contrast to all the guys eager to show me pics of their dicks or talk dirty to me or meet me places where they could assualt me...no, instead it took quite awhile (on an internet time-scale) for our conversation to turn sexual, and even now I can look back and say that I was driving it just as much if not more than he was. That first time we finally broke the seal and got all nasty, cyber-sexing or mutual-masturbating...basically him getting me to say (type) all sorts of nasty things about how much I loved black dicks and especially wanted his...
LOL...
So eventually over the course over a couple months, he suggested a meet-n-greet.
Just pass each other in the food court of a local mall or something like that, just to see each other in person...I wasn't sure at first, putting him off and off...he wasn't begging me, but he was putting it out there, you know, just dropping a bug in my ear in case I was ever interested in taking our cyber relationship into the REAL physical world...
After a couple of failed hook-up attempts and ME chickening out, I was the one who went into HIS place of work (a pizza delivery place) and placed an order at the counter just so I could scope him out. I saw him long before he saw me, and my impressions of him was that he was just a regular little black guy, skinny and medium-height, certainly not a big strapping sexy black stud. Later we talked online and he was like "was that you?" and I was like: "yeah, was that you?" He seemed quite impressed how I looked, even "prettier than in my pictures" and he said he'd honestly expected me to be fatter and uglier in person. ;)
But the fact he wasn't a strapping stud sure didn't deter me from thinking about sex (with black men) constantly, and contemplating the fact that not many people in this town knew me...and even if they did, it was a biggish town, the kind you could easily get lost in. But even more than that, the fact that even if I wanted to do something CRAZY like fool around with this black guy, no one in my circle would ever know...
It was finally one evening after work, and I was online chatting...he'd sent me a message, telling me his schedule at the pizza place, in case i wanted to stop by again...I considered it, then realized this was a rare opportunity. I could meet him out behind the place on his break and no one would ever know...at least, no one we cared about...
So yeah, there I was at 10pm in a small unlit parking lot a few businesses down from the place where he made pizzas...I saw him step outside, light a cigarette, and then spot my car and saunter over...he stuck his head inside my window to verify it was indeed me...the way he looked me up and down with pure lust in his eyes made my heart skip a beat or 2. He basically looked like Flavor Flav: short & skinny and so very dark skinned he looked like he'd been burnt in a fire. Ugly with a big grin with a gold tooth. Hard to gauge an age just by looking, but I knew from our online conversations he was mid 30's.
He plopped into my passenger seat and we exchanged a few obligatory pleasantries, "how you doing?" and "nice to finally meet you!" type stuff...the interior of my car was immediately flooded with the odors of cheap pizza and cheaper cigarettes. I wasn't sure how things were going to proceed, and I knew I woudldn't have the courage to initiate things....but it was he who finally said:
"Well, I ain't got long on break, so..." and reached down to start un-doing his belt buckle. My already pounding heart sped up even more, and even more when I saw his black dick pop up out of his pants. It was just enough street light coming in thru my windows to see it and I swear to God my mouth watered when I did. I reached a trembling hand over to touch it and it felt much hotter than 98.6 degrees, probably 75% hard already, quickly on its way to 110%. It wasn't as massive as Courtney's had been, more of a "regular" sized dick, maybe in the 7-8 inch range.
I flashed him a nervous "well, here goes nothing!" grin, the same one I knew I would have flashed at a work or school presentation or before performing a dance routine back in the day...he let out a low "ummmmm" as my hand rubbed his dick and balls, arching his back and humpmy hand a little...I surprised myself by letting out a low "oh!" at the sight/feel of his growing excitement, and quickly dipping my head down into his lap.
I immediately slipped the head of his dick into my mouth, and my taste buds were immediately flooded with the exotic flavors of a new strange dick. That meaty, let's call it "roast beef" flavor of a dick that had been cooped up in underwear for awhile, salty and musky, reeking of arousal. I felt his dick finish going completely rock hard in my mouth, which made me even hornier if that was possible.
I surprised myself at how HUNGRILY I was sucking his black dick and trying to take in that exotic roast beef flavor of his. He arched his back forcing it down my throat, my chin pressing against his warm hairy ball sack. I felt his hand on my head, pressing it down at first (like I needed motivation LOL), but then brushing my hair back so he could see my face with his dick in it...
Ah yes, of course I wanted him to watch...the old Mandi, the "pre-Courtney" Mandi, would have hated this, never ever wanted a guy to watch as I sucked him. Of course that girl would've never sucked a guy she wasn't dating, never a guy she only met online, CERTAINLY not an ugly Negro like this guy. And she wouldn't have sucked a dick just for fun, which was exactly what I was doing now. But this NEW IMPROVED Mandi? Oh she wanted him to see it all and was a little disappointed the light wasn't better so he could see MORE.
In fact, *I* wanted to see...so I peeked up at HIM, so very ugly looking like Flavor Flav's country uncle, his eager smile still there but slightly melted by lust around the edges. It was SO SURREAL to look up and see that ugly black face while I had his hard dick in my mouth. And I had a quick blast of epiphany, a little voice in my head telling me that I was going to start to enjoy this: the sights the sounds the smells and oh yes the TASTE of sucking a strange black dick. I tried to smile up at him while our eyes locked, but it was hard to do with a mouthfull of black dick...but our eyes said it all, and they smiled at each other...I'm not sure I've felt dirtier or hornier in my life than I did at that moment...
I tore my gaze away from him to focus on the task at hand, knowing that we didn't have much time. I began sucking him deeper and more rhythmically, bobbing my head up and down. I felt his hand on the back of my head, not forcing it or anything but giving guidance...and after awhile I felt his hips began to buck up to meet me and yes yes yes this dirty little black man was fucking my mouth! It felt SO GOOD and I was straining to get as much as him in my mouth on every stroke as I could, not caring if he gagged me or not...
Pretty soon I felt his motions begin to get jerky and more erratic and I know what was coming (literally)...I felt his entire body clench up just before he began launching streams of his hot semen in my mouth and down my throat. I slurped hungrily at it, like I had been crawling thru the desert and found a water hose. He flinched and trashed while he came, eventually pulling my head away when he couldn't take it anymore.
Afterwards he quickly put his deflating dick back into his pants and said "All right, holla at ya later!" and that was it. Funny I had never thought what was the proper protocol after something like that...should he have thanked me? Should I have thanked him? I guess "holla at ya later!" was good enough and appropriate...
I drove home with the taste of him in my mouth, my belly swimming with his semen, the smell of pizza and cigarettes in my car, and my face flush with a combination of excitement and lust. As drove across town, I marveled at how wonderful that had been, that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE I KNEW was aware that it'd just happened except for him or me. And that's where my mind wandered to, all the anonymous black men in my city, that I was driving past at that very moment, all the ones I'd run into in the course of my job...so many anonymous black men with exotic musky "roast beef" tasting strange black dicks to taste, that NO ONE would ever know about...except me of course and I sure woudln't tell...(well, except to put it in writing for you all to read LOL) That epiphany moment I had while sucking him was ringing in my head and I had a feeling I had just opened the door on a new very important chapter in my life...
10 年 前
Take a bow Mandi - very nicely done.