I need sex. Plain and simple.

Yeah, I really do. I know, I have lovers back in my home town, but thats way too far. I only travel there 1-2 times a year. I need some sweet sweet sex more often than that. Like...a cpl of times a month, at a minimum. But I'm a bit scared of the whole thing. I kinda hate how I look, even tho I work on it. Clearly I'm not completely disgusting looking since I've had quite a few lovers in my days, or I've been "lucky" with less picky guys. But I'm having a hard time liking my body. It's not very feminine, not in the right way. Wish I had that pear shape. Not a weird ass apple shape. Yuck.

But here we are, I can't do anything to change it, more than losing more weight. Maybe I should try to like it, and work with what I got. It's always gonna look weird tho. But under the covers, maybe that is less important. And you can always turn off the light, right? lol. I'm very horny, obedient, flexible, at times submissive. Passionate. Strong. Can withstand a whole lot of hard fucking without crumbling. Socially competent. Maybe that is wort something, I dunno?

Sometimes, when I get horny, it turns into sadness instead. I miss sex sooooo much I can hardly breathe, it physically hurts. I can't pretend sex isn't that important anymore, it IS important to me. I can't deny that. I just wish I wasn't so unattractive. Ofc one can do some things to better how u look, but some things are hard, risky and expensive to change. And no, I am not fishing for sympathy. It's just cold facts.

Sexting with my lover is making me so frustrated. The chemistry we have is unreal, and he is too far away. Some days I wish we never moved.