An Honest Request
I am and always have been extremely curious how I got here. Going over and over each step along the path that made me into a truly life-long pornography addict fascinates me. I just smoked a joint and took a two hour walk in the rain at midnight tracing my steps as honestly and starkly with myself as I could be and it was quite a self revelation. I would love to discuss it and your stories. How did it get to this? How did we, each an every one of us, get to this forum? What is your story. For confidence sake, if you DM me, I will never ever reveal what you say to me. You have my utmost confidence. Perhaps even, complicity.
I am a warm and accepting person. Like most of us, I have few hangups and am kinked the fuck out. I am pan to a degree, but primarily, at this juncture, I am pornosexual. If you are as into porn as I am, I can be in to you. If it is genre on literotica, there is a chance I'm into something you like. The shared addiction is the shared sexuality; if you know, you know. Male, female, both, alien, other, IDGIAF. Futa? Down. Other weird stuff? Probably. In terms of visual porn fluency, my education with hardcore porn starts at around eight. Softcore somewhere much earlier--so early I don't remember not liking it. Lingerie in fashion catalouges, and the swimsuit section, too. I discovered a treasure trove in my family attic when I discovered the nude photos in the massive National Geographic collection up there. Before that, I found my grandmother's multi-decade(back to black-and-white!) Sears catalouges, tucked away in my grandparents' basement. It had a locking door and a single light on a string in the middle of the room. There was a single small window at the top of the outside-facing wall, but it was well concealed behind a thick holly bush you could not see through without incredibly painful and noisy effort--I know, because I tested how hard it really was to see how safe I would be inside.** In in the middle of the room was a three foot pile of heavy quilted blankets. On two walls, nearly floor to ceiling, with a nearly half-height row in front of that, was a stack of catalogues. I was locked in there for weeks each summer off school, and I had clipped all my favourites into a single collection I kept hidden at home and in water proof bags in the surrounding forest.*** In literary terms, back in the days when asstr.org was still an NNTP board in the early dialup days, when BBS and Telnet were still a thing. That would have been around thirteen. It was the wild wild web back in those days. So to say that my brain has been raised on porn is an actual fact in my case--my entire sexual development coincided with my mental and physical development.
I think the most interesting questions of myself are, "How did I get to be like that in the first place--wanting all that, that is? Then, how did I discover other things?" I play those memories back too, trying to piece my psycho-sexual history together again. I have a crazy history.
I would love to know yours.
**Being very careful is how I have hidden my addiction from everyone in real life.
***There was too much, and both because I grew up on a family farm and because I liked the any-time privacy a remote stash gave me to secretly indulge in my porn addiction--I had literal porn-forts--I used my lack of hiding space in my house to promote my addiction. By having a remote stash, I was capable of even more time during the busy homeschooling days to get away from it all for a few hours each afternoon and just jerk off to my non-nude porn. The NatGeo, that was exactly what I needed to escalate from all that more soft porn.
I am a warm and accepting person. Like most of us, I have few hangups and am kinked the fuck out. I am pan to a degree, but primarily, at this juncture, I am pornosexual. If you are as into porn as I am, I can be in to you. If it is genre on literotica, there is a chance I'm into something you like. The shared addiction is the shared sexuality; if you know, you know. Male, female, both, alien, other, IDGIAF. Futa? Down. Other weird stuff? Probably. In terms of visual porn fluency, my education with hardcore porn starts at around eight. Softcore somewhere much earlier--so early I don't remember not liking it. Lingerie in fashion catalouges, and the swimsuit section, too. I discovered a treasure trove in my family attic when I discovered the nude photos in the massive National Geographic collection up there. Before that, I found my grandmother's multi-decade(back to black-and-white!) Sears catalouges, tucked away in my grandparents' basement. It had a locking door and a single light on a string in the middle of the room. There was a single small window at the top of the outside-facing wall, but it was well concealed behind a thick holly bush you could not see through without incredibly painful and noisy effort--I know, because I tested how hard it really was to see how safe I would be inside.** In in the middle of the room was a three foot pile of heavy quilted blankets. On two walls, nearly floor to ceiling, with a nearly half-height row in front of that, was a stack of catalogues. I was locked in there for weeks each summer off school, and I had clipped all my favourites into a single collection I kept hidden at home and in water proof bags in the surrounding forest.*** In literary terms, back in the days when asstr.org was still an NNTP board in the early dialup days, when BBS and Telnet were still a thing. That would have been around thirteen. It was the wild wild web back in those days. So to say that my brain has been raised on porn is an actual fact in my case--my entire sexual development coincided with my mental and physical development.
I think the most interesting questions of myself are, "How did I get to be like that in the first place--wanting all that, that is? Then, how did I discover other things?" I play those memories back too, trying to piece my psycho-sexual history together again. I have a crazy history.
I would love to know yours.
**Being very careful is how I have hidden my addiction from everyone in real life.
***There was too much, and both because I grew up on a family farm and because I liked the any-time privacy a remote stash gave me to secretly indulge in my porn addiction--I had literal porn-forts--I used my lack of hiding space in my house to promote my addiction. By having a remote stash, I was capable of even more time during the busy homeschooling days to get away from it all for a few hours each afternoon and just jerk off to my non-nude porn. The NatGeo, that was exactly what I needed to escalate from all that more soft porn.
2 年 前