So, I started dating again... briefly.
It's been 3 years since I was involved with someone. And that ended badly.
So, I've just been "taking care of my own needs", and resigning myself to the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. Alone, but not necessarily lonely.
Anyway, I met someone. She is beautiful. (A natural born woman) Curves, sensitive little boobies, big brown eyes, soft skin, and an ass to die for. And her pussy tasted wonderful.
We were trying to take things slowly, honest, but the second night we spend together, I went down on her. We stopped after she came. (Which was quickly.)
Three nights later, she invited me back to her place. We sat up talking until the wee hours, drinking wine. I told her about the fact I used to dress up, and had been with guys. Not only was she okay with it, she was a little turned on. (She had had a year-long lesbian relationship, previously.) Fantastic, huh? She put me in a pair of her satin-y panties, and went down on me. And then I went down on her. And she came quickly again. (Too quickly for my liking, but what ya gonna do?) She wanted me to fuck her, and I wanted to. Really, I did.
But, I couldn't get it up. Seriously. A limp biscuit. About as hard as a dead jellyfish.
Well, she got pissed. Apparently, that had never happened to her before. And, that was pretty much the end of that relationship.
I tried to explain that sometimes it happened. I'm of a certain age, and I smoke, and that doesn't help. And we'd been drinking wine. That probably wasn't good either. And I was tired. And I'm usually better after a good night's sleep. Morning wood, and all that. But, she wasn't buying it. And as I sit here, yeah, they do sound like excuses. But it's not like she didn't turn me on. She was hot. (Still is, unless something horrible has happened to her, and I hope it hasn't.)
But I wonder if something else is at play. Could it be that my "taking care of myself" has something to do with it? Have I conditioned myself to only react to certain, internal stimulus? Have I become dependent upon porn to get it up?
Most of my favorite porn is either trans, lesbian, or gay, or a combination thereabouts. Am I really wanting dick more than pussy? (Unless I too have a vagina)?
Or, has my low self-esteem gotten in the way of good things? I'm fatter than I want to be, and that's why I haven't dressed in ages. And I'm working on it, (lost 30 pounds in the last year!), but there's still a long ways to go.
Or yet another possibility: was I in bed with her because I could be, and not because I had real feelings for her. I mean, I liked her a lot, but I didn't love her. Have my fantasies about living happily ever after interrupted real life? (Yes, I've had a lot of sex with a lot of people over the years, and I'm tired of one-night stands, and fleeting relationships.) If I'm gonna go to bed with someone, I want there to be an emotional attachment. And there wasn't with her... yet. (Well, I came to the right place for that, didn't I? A social media site for getting off? Good idea.)
My best guess is that all of these play into my failure to launch. I think things happen, or don't happen, because of a combination of factors, and I look to the future with this in mind, and it looks rather bleak.
Back to the drawing board.
As always, thank you for reading.
So, I've just been "taking care of my own needs", and resigning myself to the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. Alone, but not necessarily lonely.
Anyway, I met someone. She is beautiful. (A natural born woman) Curves, sensitive little boobies, big brown eyes, soft skin, and an ass to die for. And her pussy tasted wonderful.
We were trying to take things slowly, honest, but the second night we spend together, I went down on her. We stopped after she came. (Which was quickly.)
Three nights later, she invited me back to her place. We sat up talking until the wee hours, drinking wine. I told her about the fact I used to dress up, and had been with guys. Not only was she okay with it, she was a little turned on. (She had had a year-long lesbian relationship, previously.) Fantastic, huh? She put me in a pair of her satin-y panties, and went down on me. And then I went down on her. And she came quickly again. (Too quickly for my liking, but what ya gonna do?) She wanted me to fuck her, and I wanted to. Really, I did.
But, I couldn't get it up. Seriously. A limp biscuit. About as hard as a dead jellyfish.
Well, she got pissed. Apparently, that had never happened to her before. And, that was pretty much the end of that relationship.
I tried to explain that sometimes it happened. I'm of a certain age, and I smoke, and that doesn't help. And we'd been drinking wine. That probably wasn't good either. And I was tired. And I'm usually better after a good night's sleep. Morning wood, and all that. But, she wasn't buying it. And as I sit here, yeah, they do sound like excuses. But it's not like she didn't turn me on. She was hot. (Still is, unless something horrible has happened to her, and I hope it hasn't.)
But I wonder if something else is at play. Could it be that my "taking care of myself" has something to do with it? Have I conditioned myself to only react to certain, internal stimulus? Have I become dependent upon porn to get it up?
Most of my favorite porn is either trans, lesbian, or gay, or a combination thereabouts. Am I really wanting dick more than pussy? (Unless I too have a vagina)?
Or, has my low self-esteem gotten in the way of good things? I'm fatter than I want to be, and that's why I haven't dressed in ages. And I'm working on it, (lost 30 pounds in the last year!), but there's still a long ways to go.
Or yet another possibility: was I in bed with her because I could be, and not because I had real feelings for her. I mean, I liked her a lot, but I didn't love her. Have my fantasies about living happily ever after interrupted real life? (Yes, I've had a lot of sex with a lot of people over the years, and I'm tired of one-night stands, and fleeting relationships.) If I'm gonna go to bed with someone, I want there to be an emotional attachment. And there wasn't with her... yet. (Well, I came to the right place for that, didn't I? A social media site for getting off? Good idea.)
My best guess is that all of these play into my failure to launch. I think things happen, or don't happen, because of a combination of factors, and I look to the future with this in mind, and it looks rather bleak.
Back to the drawing board.
As always, thank you for reading.
10 年 前
And she has since said the same: that she gave up too quickly. Unfortunately, she also moved away. C'est la vie.
You just didn't get hard. That time. And maybe the next time. Should have been a little challenge to the girl, not an "I give up". There are not excuses for what happened to you that time. You don't need one. There are not fixed reasons for what happened to you. You don't need one.