A Conversation with My Father
I'm a little shook up this morning. My father is 83 years old and not in the greatest health, although his mind is still sharp as a tack. We had dinner last night, and afterwards he took me to the den and explained what he wanted done if he should happen to pass away. I guess I wasn't prepared for what he was about to tell me, because it was really tough fighting back the tears. It's hard to imagine my father not being in my life one day. He is basically my hero.
We went over everything. My dad is the type of person who goes to great lengths so as not to inconvenience anyone. He has already made his burial arrangements, and gave me a copy of his will. I am not the executor but he has made me the primary beneficiary of his investments which actually makes me a bit uncomfortable. We've had problems with family members in the past who think a funeral is the time for a money grab. I know that when the time comes, there will be relatives of mine who will be at my door with their hands out. My dad will give a little to those relatives, but not a lot. There will be some people in my family who will be pissed, and I'll need to be ready for them.
He's also giving me his house, which of course, I don't need or want. He gave me the name of a realtor that he trusts should I decide to sell it. I kept asking him how he would like his money used after he was gone and he kept telling me, "do whatever you want with it....it doesn't matter, I'll be dead."
He typed up a list of the names and phone numbers of all the professional people in his life. I guess I never thought about all the things you have to do when a family member dies. I'll have to have my shit together for meetings with people like his tax attorney and broker. I'll have to get a death certificate and notify the Social Security office. I'll need to cancel his health care plan. I'll have to sit down with his insurance agent. There will also be about a zillion people I will have notify of his passing.
As if the night wasn't creepy enough, he left me with an ominous thought. I told him that he would live many more years, and we won't have to worry about any of this for a long time. He replied, "No David, people are not meant to live forever. My time will come soon enough."
I left with a stack of papers that I'll have to review today. Keep in mind that as long as I've known my father, we've never really had a conversation about his finances. Suddenly I know everything....
...and all this is very unsettling.
We went over everything. My dad is the type of person who goes to great lengths so as not to inconvenience anyone. He has already made his burial arrangements, and gave me a copy of his will. I am not the executor but he has made me the primary beneficiary of his investments which actually makes me a bit uncomfortable. We've had problems with family members in the past who think a funeral is the time for a money grab. I know that when the time comes, there will be relatives of mine who will be at my door with their hands out. My dad will give a little to those relatives, but not a lot. There will be some people in my family who will be pissed, and I'll need to be ready for them.
He's also giving me his house, which of course, I don't need or want. He gave me the name of a realtor that he trusts should I decide to sell it. I kept asking him how he would like his money used after he was gone and he kept telling me, "do whatever you want with it....it doesn't matter, I'll be dead."
He typed up a list of the names and phone numbers of all the professional people in his life. I guess I never thought about all the things you have to do when a family member dies. I'll have to have my shit together for meetings with people like his tax attorney and broker. I'll have to get a death certificate and notify the Social Security office. I'll need to cancel his health care plan. I'll have to sit down with his insurance agent. There will also be about a zillion people I will have notify of his passing.
As if the night wasn't creepy enough, he left me with an ominous thought. I told him that he would live many more years, and we won't have to worry about any of this for a long time. He replied, "No David, people are not meant to live forever. My time will come soon enough."
I left with a stack of papers that I'll have to review today. Keep in mind that as long as I've known my father, we've never really had a conversation about his finances. Suddenly I know everything....
...and all this is very unsettling.
8 年 前
You will need to do what you think is right... In my case, peace within the family took high priority in my mind over nickels and dimes. As my mother's executor I followed the instructions in her simple, short "vanilla" will. There wasn't much room to stray, and there probably won't be with your father's estate either... My mother did NOT have a living trust, so her estate went though probate. The executor is responsible to hire an attorney (if needed) and an accountant (if needed). I didn't care for the attorney who produced my mother's will, and will never regret changing to somebody who I trusted and could work with. I saved a lot of money by doing the accounting myself, following guidelines provided by my state's probate laws. Whether the executor hires professional assistance or not, the executor will end up doing most of the work... The executor is allowed to take a substantial percentage of the estate as a "fee". As my mother's representative, I took zero fee in deference to all that she had done for me over her lifetime... The executor of your father's estate may not be so charitable, but hopefully will be all the more professional if receiving a hefty fee...
Just some thoughts based on experience from 20 years ago... I hope your father's transition is easier for you than my mother's passing was for me...
P.S. My dad was in his 80's, couldn't get around but still liked reading and looking at cool stuff. I set up a computer so he could email and surf. Next thing ya know I'm installing CCleaner and adaware . In his 80's and still looking at nekid women. Guess I'm a chip off the old block. lol